In this body of mine. Kristian Gidlund

In This Body of Mine

ORIGINAL TITLE: I kroppen min

AUTHOR: Kristian Gidlund


GENRE: Fiction

The Journey to the End of Life and the Beginning of It All

A sailor lives inside my chest.
I give thanks for that.
I wanted to go out into the world. See. Experience. Form an opinion. Disappear into something exciting.
And I did.
The forests in Dalarna, which, at any time, were all we could dream of.
The years with the band — every corner in Germany.
The hysterical Japanese in Tokyo.
The recording sessions in Spain, when we were at our very best. The heat in Ethiopia. When we were marinated in vodka in Saint Petersburg.
My pulse during my trips in Israel and the West Bank. The markets. The machine guns. The meetings. Things contradictory.
When I smoked at the open doors of the train, above the fields in India. The morning light in Varanasi.
The geometric marijuana trip on the mountain outside Khajuraho when all I saw was an eagle.
The horses, now.
The magical women I’ve made love to — the fumbling times, and the fantastic ones. The naked moments when time stopped and everything was now.
The feelings of love that so beautifully intoxicated me. Every memory makes me happy, no matter how broken I have been.
When this life is over, I believe two things await: either everything will cease to exist in an eternal darkness I won’t notice. Or else something new will carry on. A new journey. New remarkable places, new remarkable situations, and new remarkable people. I can handle this. These are the conditions in which I have done my best. So you never need to worry about me. It will be fine.



"Kristian Gidlund quite simply has a unique ability to tell a story. He gives the words a power that runs solidly and resolutely through this book with its unbearable account. He writes in plain and beautiful language of 'grappling with the abyss that is quickly eating its way toward our feet.' Even if he’s not the first to write about standing face to face with death, he brings us into unfamiliar territory and finds new corners of the soul, where he discovers words that are as precious as rare coins. Kristian Gidlund is an unparalleled writer and the joy in discovering this gift, this gold, is the only solace the author and the reader can share in this hopeless, painful tale that plays out before our very eyes."

Dagens Nyheter

"The great thing is that he can stand our absent-minded company, that he has succeeded in turning his story into literature."


"In This Body of Mine lives on. And it will do so for a long time. Kristian Gidlund has truly succeeded in what he set out to do: to leave behind a monument to life with a gun to his head, with blood for ink.

Östgöta Correspondenten

“It occurs to me several times that this sort of text will continue to grow because the power in what is said balances on a razor’s edge.  There’s nothing that can be brushed aside in a book about the unimaginable idea of touching one’s own death.”

Helsingborgs Dagblad

Rights sold


Dutch Rights sold to De Geus.

French Rights sold to Presses de la Cité.

German Rights sold to Lübbe.